ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
