Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
