Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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