The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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