Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
