I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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