You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
