I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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