"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
