Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
And then he peed in my hair
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