I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have already put on my inside pants.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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