The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
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I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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