Fine. I'll sleep in my office
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
