i think my mom watched the whole time
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
