can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize