Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
