he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
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What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
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after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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