Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
