p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
