it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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