some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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