At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
