So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
