that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
