and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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