Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
