What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
