It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
