Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
