whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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