Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
