Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
