I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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