hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
