whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
ttyl tear gas
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize