dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it glows. i had to have it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
