im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
