you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You made out with two different species that night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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