You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
