Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
