I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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