Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
