things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
