i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
