oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
