Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
