And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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