I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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