Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
