they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
