Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize