yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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