Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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