I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
