dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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