my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
