oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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