Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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